Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
