dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
