Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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