Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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