Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
