end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you didnt know i had herpes?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
