Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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