I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
