My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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