I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
