Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
