I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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