hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
