If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize