my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
