I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
