I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize