loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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