So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I AM VODKA MAN
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
