It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
