Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
