I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
