is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
