i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
