Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
