Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
