Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
