I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
