Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
