if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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