i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
