Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
