Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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