I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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