i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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