i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
