You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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