At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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