He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
