Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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