there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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