i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
