my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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