I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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