I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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