I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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