first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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