There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
