I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
