I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize