Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize