tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
