So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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