This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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