Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize