She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
