I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
