Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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