flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont even know how to be here
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Randomize
