wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
