i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
