Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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