when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
