i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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