I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
