what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
