you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
