wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize