my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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