I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
