I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
