party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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