He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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