Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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