its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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