i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
