I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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