another moral hangover. fuck.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
