In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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