just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
