3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
