I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
