You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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