so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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