Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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