I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
