i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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