none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
