my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
