i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
