All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
