Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
