If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
