You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
