Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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