My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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