i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
