There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
