absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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