i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize