So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
