ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
