His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize