I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
