Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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