I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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