remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do vagina's smell?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
