JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
