You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
